What we all know – but often need reminding

I know that it is often said that we should not “judge a book by its cover” but we still do.

It takes just a look of the eye, maybe three seconds, for someone to evaluate you when you meet for the first time. In this short time, the other person forms an opinion about you based on your appearance, your body language, your demeanour, and how you are dressed.

Is it fair? Probably not, but that’s life. With every new encounter, you are evaluated and an impression of you is formed. These first impression can be nearly impossible to reverse or undo, making those first encounters extremely important, for they set the tone for all the relationships that follow.

Interestingly, many people today believe that they should just be accepted for who they are – that individuality and standing out is good. To a degree, yes, but as with all things in life, it is how you do it and getting the balance right that is important. Is someone imposing themselves on others? Are they being genuine and natural or is it just an act? We love mavericks and eccentrics as characters, but rarely do they do business with them. In a business environment, conforming, good presentation, trust and great manners are far more important.

There are those that will say “Not everyone needs to be the same”.  Again very true, but if you want to influence, then you have to follow social rules.

If you want to be an individual, then there is no need to concern yourself about having to make a good first impression, but if you do want to have impact and influence, there are a number of considerations to have in mind:

• A great smile – As the saying goes, “Smile and the world smiles too.” There’s nothing like a smile to create a good first impression. A warm and confident smile will put both you and the other person at ease.
• Eye contact – Good eye contact is so important as many will “evaluate” you on this factor alone. It also shows your interest in that person and if you want to make a good impression, then it is vital you show genuine interest in the other person.
• Be on time – Someone you are meeting for the first time is not interested in your “good excuse” for running late. Plan to arrive a few minutes early.
• Be yourself. Be at ease – If you are feeling uncomfortable and on edge, this can make the other person ill at ease and that’s a sure way to create the wrong impression. If you are calm and confident, the other person will feel more at ease and so have a solid foundation for making your first impression a good one. Of course, this is easier said than done at times and that is all about learning how to channel your nerves. Everyone gets nervous – the key is to accept them and be open. Nerves can be an endearing quality if channelled in the right way.
• Good presentation – Of course physical appearance matters. The person you are meeting for the first time does not know you and your appearance is usually the first clue he or she has to go on. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and so the “picture” you first present says much about you to the person you are meeting. Is your appearance saying the right things to help create the right first impression?
• Be positive – Your attitude shows through in everything you do. Project a positive attitude, even in the face of criticism or in the case of nervousness. Strive to learn from your meeting and to contribute appropriately, maintaining an upbeat manner and a smile.
• Be courteous and attentive – It goes without saying that good manners and polite, attentive and courteous behaviour help make a good first impression.
• Think beyond yourself – Often people use the “I” word too much – often when nervous.People like people who can see beyond themselves, who are good listeners and see a picture that is bigger than the petty and self focused. Be a person that can inspire interest by placing your own interests to one side.
• The goodbye – Ensure you have exchanged business cards and the follow up step is confirmed with all parties.
• The memory – Have you left a lasting memory of yourself or your company? When clients are meeting people all the time, you need to stay in the forefront of his/her mind.
• The follow up – It sounds simple, but write and say thank you for their time because this does create a good impression and the vast majority will never take this simple step.

There are those who argue that “you should be conscious of your own brand”; that how you present yourself is how people think of you. This is all true. The idea of a person being a brand is a touch too self-important, but how you present yourself and how you behave in a meeting will generate either a relationship that can grow or a conversation that may soon be forgotten.

It is the simple, basic things that make a difference, but strangely, few do them with expertise.

About the author

Chris Sheppardson launched eHotelier’s partner print title EP Business in Hospitality magazine (formerly En Passant magazine) in 2005 in order to provide a communications source for leaders in the industry. His vision was inspired by the desire to look at the real people and characters who make up the industry, and to provide constructive debate on issues which affect the industry at a number of levels.

Chris founded the Chess Group of Companies in 1998 with a belief in the importance of individuals and in the principle of cultural fit within organisations. He is presently Managing Director of EP Business in Hospitality and Chess Partnership, providing a business, which works closely with the hospitality industry, to support the growth and development of both people and organisation.